The dilemma of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) always stirs up memories of my childhood. When I hear the familiar story, I try to picture Martha, her sister Mary, and their brother Lazurus, living in Bethany, a small village in Judea. They were great friends of Jesus. Martha is presumed to have been the older of the two sisters since her name is always mentioned first. In this story, the sisters are at home when Jesus pays a call.
Hospitality usually entails some effort; it doesn’t happen by itself. Moreover, when unexpected company arrives, a gracious hostess hates to disappear into the kitchen for any length of time while the guest sits in the front parlor alone.

As I was growing up, my parents loved to entertain and were known for their hospitality which extended to all us children. When company arrived, we knew the drill: one of us greeted the guests, another took their coats, another showed them into the living room and made small talk, another raced to find our parents and let them know company had arrived. Dad would appear to take their beverage order while Mother organized plates of hors d’oeuvres for us to circulate. We behaved like a well-oiled machine, whether or not guests were invited or dropped in casually.
Martha and Mary seem to have covered both bases. Martha got to work on preparing the food, while Mary sat at the Lord’s feet to listen to Him. Yet, only Mary chose rightly according to Jesus. Why was that so?
A mother’s heartbreak, shared on an episode of “20/20,” opened my eyes and helped me see this Biblical family drama in a whole new light.

On an otherwise ordinary school night, one of this mother’s sons approached her as she tidied up the kitchen after dinner. He was a fifth grader, the family’s middle child. That night she noticed an unhappy look on his face. He asked if he could tell her something. She said yes and continued emptying the dishwasher. After a slight hesitation, he admitted that he was concerned about his abilities as a hockey player. A big game was coming up and he didn’t want to disappoint her or the team. Without pausing in her task, she gave him her stock “mom” answer: She had confidence in him and he could never disappoint her, no matter what. Without another word, he walked away.
A busy mother, a loving mother, she could not know that unbearable tragedy was closing in fast. Decades afterward, she would give anything to change her actions that night.

The following evening, while riding his bike home from a convenience store with his brother and a friend, this same youngster became the target of an abduction. He was assaulted, killed and his body buried. Despite extraordinary and ongoing efforts by the community, his remains stayed hidden for nearly 30 years.
We are all in the dark when it comes to knowing the future, nor can we live as though disaster lurks around every corner. Even so, the depth of this woman’s regret made me see parallels between her grief and the story of Martha and Mary.

Martha, the hostess, leaps into action because the Lord has paid them a visit. She feels excited and flustered as she gets the food prepared, the cutlery out, the table set, the wine decanted, the centerpiece positioned. After all, this is the Lord! Everything must be perfect for Him. As she darts about, she overhears His voice, she catches sight of her sister kneeling at His feet, and it ignites her anger. She even goes so far as to bring her complaint to Him; all things considered, not a very hospitable thing to do!
Mary’s hospitality, on the other hand, is about listening. Her whole being is focused on the Lord and His every word. Giving Him her full attention is more important than life itself. At that moment, anything else that needs doing can wait.

After watching the “20/20” program and witnessing that mother’s lifelong anguish, I realized that Martha and Mary are not always two separate people. Instead, they can represent the two choices we negotiate internally day to day.
We all experience Martha-Mary moments. Sometimes as spouses. Sometimes as parents. Some as church ministers. Or friends. Or teachers or coaches. Often on the job. Or on airplanes with strangers. Sometimes in a nursing home with an aged relative.

These moments are guaranteed to arrive when we least want them to, occasions when we feel strapped for time or tired, wanting to complete a chore quickly. Yet, these moments offer us a golden opportunity. We can “fix” the Martha-Mary dilemma just by stopping to listen with our heart. When the timing is simply wrong, we can negotiate for a better time and let the person know we want to be able to give them our full attention.

I see that young boy, shoulders slumped, trudging out of his mother’s sight having not gotten what he needed at that moment and I, too, want that evening’s conversation back.

The next Martha-Mary moment is on its way. Let’s you and I hope we recognize it and choose the better part.

Sheila M. Cronin
Author www.giftcounselorbook.com